LET’S TALK ABOUT BODY IMAGE!
I often get my blog inspiration from things clients talk to me about during the week, or things I see and notice around me that week. This particular topic has come from both. In my opinion it’s no coincidence that this is a particularly hot topic right now, at the same time as we are a) finally able to book and look ahead to overseas holidays, b) programmes like Queer Eye (the new series came out very recently) are bringing body image back to the front of our minds, and c) let’s face it, now we’re allowed out to socialise again, our lockdown bodies seem to be on many people’s minds…!
Whenever I ask clients what they think about their own bodies, they normally reel off a whole load of their imperfections, the thing that aren’t as good as their friends’, that aren’t small/toned/tanned/pretty enough etc. They tell me about how they hate their hair colour, or they’re embarrassed about love handles or bits of cellulite or a caesarean scar, or that they wish they had a six pack or didn’t have a beer belly. They want to be lighter, darker, smaller nose, bigger eyes, thinner, more muscular, flat stomach, curly hair, straight hair - you name it, the list just grows and grows. And most of all, many tell me how much they hate looking in a mirror, because they just stand staring all these imperfections in the face.
What’s interesting about that little exercise is that it’s not really about those physical things at all, but the question I asked them has really revealed their current beliefs about body image. If you think about it, the first thing they’ve done is change the question entirely, and that is hugely indicative of their mindset. I didn’t ask them what they hated about their bodies, what was wrong with them, what didn’t stack up to their peers or what they wished they could change. What I asked was what they thought of their bodies. And they went into autopilot, and their autopilot at that time was to instantly hunt for all the negative, imperfect parts of their bodies. (Let’s not forget, that’s why they were in my clinic seeing me, so this response was expected…!)
How many people can you honestly say that, if you asked them the same question, would start with all the positive things about their bodies and the bits they really love or that are really unique to them? Not too many, I expect! That’s because so often we have been trained to be hugely over-critical of ourselves (don’t worry - you can change this!). Many of us come to believe that we should be and look perfect, and are disappointed and sad when we’re not. Consequently, we’re on the look out all the time for evidence that we’re not good enough and our bodies and our image are ‘ugly’ or undesirable. This just isn’t realistic.
Even more crucially, many of us believe that our self esteem is all about these physical bits and bobs that make up our bodies. That’s why when we are struggling with low self-esteem, we look outside of ourselves to think, what’s making me feel this bad about myself? It must be my weight, or my boobs, or my scraggly hair, or my love handles. Even worse if we’re single, because we can even start believing that we’re still single BECAUSE of those things!! We might start telling ourselves, if I just changed all of these things and started to look better/like everyone else, I’d feel happy with myself. (Cue crash dieting, protein shakes, insane workouts and gym routines, plastic surgery, eating disorders - anything really to try quietening down that critical inner voice for a bit).
The important thing to realise here, is that it really isn’t about our bodies at all. We know this because if this really was the case, every single size 8, ‘traditionally beautiful’ model would have the highest self esteem on the planet. Every instagram star or famous actor with millions of followers would surely be the most content and self-loving people of all. Every guy with the dream six-pack (not of beer, I should point out!) and biceps to die for would be happy and carefree. All the research and evidence out there shows that this isn’t the case. So what’s going on?
It goes back to my initial point. We have trained ourselves to believe three very fundamental and very untrue things;
That our self-esteem is created by our bodies and what we look like (and that changing our bodies will automatically fix our self esteem)
That it is normal to focus on all the negatives about our bodies whenever we look at them because everyone else does and because it allows us to keep working on them/not get arrogant (I hear this a lot… since when did ‘body confidence' translate to ‘arrogant’?!)
The measure of how good our bodies are comes from comparing to other peoples’ bodies to see how we stack up
All of the above is nonsense. Let me say that again. All three of those above statements are nonsense, completely untrue and hugely damaging. It might feel like they’re true, because social media, newspapers and magazines focus hugely on body image (and are often experts in body-shaming too…). But it just isn’t true. So I am going to give you five new, important and helpful beliefs about body image to start off with instead!
Your self-esteem is not fixed, and it is not created by external things like our bodies, our looks, or what other people thing of us. It is created by YOU, every minute of every day, by the thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself all the time. And if it’s not good, then with some training and a change of perspective, you can begin to change that :-D
Mindset is so important when we look at our bodies. Rather than looking at all the things you don’t like or don’t have every time you look in the mirror (which even people with seemingly ‘perfect’ bodies can do), start shifting your mindset to things you like, things that are quirky and unique about you, or things you are improving and are proud of yourself for! It will make you feel so much happier and more confident about yourself
Learn to love your body as it is, imperfections and all! No one is perfect, even if the media makes it look that way. The perfect selfie from a celeb has probably taken hours to snap and required lots of filter work anyway ;) So stop comparing! [NOTE: That includes on the beach this summer ;) It doesn’t matter what everyone else looks like, you’re not them you’re YOU! Are you honestly telling me you’d have a happier, more relaxing holiday just because everyone else on the beach was physically bigger than you?!]
Everybody has different body shapes and body types, and different people look for and love different ones. So stop thinking that the value of your body is determined by how it compares to everyone else’s, and start working out what makes you and YOUR own body special, and how you can optimise it to be as healthy and functional as possible!
If you are truly unhappy with your size or some other part of your physique, then rather than giving yourself a hard time each day about it, why not put in the effort to train properly and change it? It won’t completely transform your self esteem in itself, but taking action to make changes is an incredibly powerful and rewarding thing to do and means you are taking control of your body!
If you now realise that you’re struggling with this more than maybe you realised, and would like some help to retrain your thinking and start building that self-esteem and confidence back up, get in touch with me via the contact page!